On CFA, Homosexuality & Gay Marriage

The big uproar in the news this week revolves around the owner of Chick-Fil-A's (CFA) personal stance on the issue of gay marriage.  Before getting into my thoughts on this subject, let me just say I kind of feel bad for the guy.  It's not like he had a press conference to come out and made a public statement or even that he had some agenda to make CFA the national target for conservatism on this issue.  Simply put he was asked if he stood in the camp assumed and he did not deny the truth.  Agree with him or not, the intention was not malicious or hateful.  In an age where so few people are willing to be honest and take responsibility, I can appreciate that.

It's no secret that I am a Christian, financially conservative & politically bent to the right.  This would leave many to assume that I am homophobic, intolerant, hateful, etc.  However, in all honesty, the topic of homosexuality just leaves me with lots of questions, lots of frustration & lots of sadness.  I have no fear, hatred or negative feelings toward homosexuals.  In fact, some of my very favorite people in the whole world are gay and given the opportunity, there are many gay people I would rather spend my time with than people who call themselves 'Christians.'

I believe in Jesus and I choose the world view that His plan is the best plan for each of us.  I personally see Him at work each and every day and I can not deny that He exists.  When I look at Scripture, I believe it calls homosexuality a sin.  Could I be wrong? Of course.  And are you free to believe what you would like to believe? Absolutely.  Does that make us enemies? No. 

I am also a huge believer of personal responsibility. God calls His people to obey His word, and to tell the world about Him; not to condemn and throw stones. So, when it comes to the issue of homosexuality, I choose to simply love. I am not perfect and while I hate it, I find my humanity choosing sin every day. I am repentant & in need of grace each minute of every day. I believe that there will be consequences for my transgressions and any consequences of others sin is between them & God.

What is most frustrating for me is that this is usually where the conversation stops.  And for every homosexual that I have been able to discuss with, it is not enough. It's not enough to be unsure, it's not enough to love but think there is a better way. It is heartbreaking! It's as if anything less than 100% agreement and commitment to the cause is unacceptable. When I long for the opportunity to continue to share & grow, the supposedly highly 'tollerant' group of the bunch has left the building. When I want to share in life & to show the love of Jesus...it's simply not enough.

The biggest problem in this opposition, I believe, lies in the driving force of ones life.  When I make decisions, I try my best to lean my heart & my choices toward the word of God.  It's not always easy & it is definitely not always how I want it to go, but I choose to trust that God has a plan.  Through hindsight, I have seen God do crazy beautiful things through situations I would have changed in a heartbeat had this been my world; but it's not. 


Most of America is driven on emotions & feelings.  If you want it, buy it (worry about how you'll pay for it later).  If it tastes good, eat it (any wonder we're obese?).  If it feels good, do it.  We believe that if it satisfies us & doesn't really hurt others, it must be right.  Not necessarily...


In Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace course he does an illustration at the beginning where he asks everyone in the room to close their eyes and point north.  Once he tells them to open their eyes, every finger is pointed in a different direction.  He uses the illustration to point out that feelings & truth are not the same and that until we can line our feeling up with the truth, we'll never be headed in the direction we should be.  While this illustration is great, the problem exists when there is no common compass.  If everyone were following the same lead, the same guidebook, the same common denominator it would be a much easier discussion to have.   However, because of the wonderful gift of freedom, we are not.  And there in lies the problem.


As for the topic gay marriage...I stand torn.  While I don't think that is what God intended marriage to be, neither are probably 90% of today's marriages.  I don't believe it falls within the religious institution or marriage, but that is very different than the governmental institution of marriage.  I would actually like to see less government in all marriage.  Maybe instead of fighting to redefine, what if we just allowed various forms of partnership in relation to government/family rights & tax incentives?

I like to think that any length of time with real Christ followers, would show more people torn, frustrated and ready to love regardless of choice or place in life.

Stranger Danger

One thing you will not hear us tell our kids is 'don't talk to strangers.'  We encounter strangers every single day.  We talk to many of them and most of them pose no threat to our children.  One thing I never understood was how people tell their kids not to talk to strangers, but then expect them to respond back when the grocery store checker says 'hello' or to befriend the new kid in class.  Instead, we do these things:

1.  We teach our kids that if they are ever separated from us in a public place to find a mom with kids (anyone can have a badge & a badge does not necessarily mean they will help) and ask her to help you.  Chances are other moms will stay with the child and assure the family is reunited.

2.  Do not take anything from or go anywhere with another person without asking the adult you are with.  If someone offers you candy, toys, money or any other items or asks you to go somewhere with them (adult or child), be sure to ask permission.

3.  It is never appropriate for an adult to ask a child for help (especially an adult you don't know).  If an adult asks you to help find their lost puppy, to find their child or anything else tell whoever you are with immediately.

4. Never approach a vehicle of someone you do not know.  We even teach them that whenever a car pulls into our cul-de-sac to run to the very top of the driveway & do not approach the car.  If they try to talk to you or get out & head toward you, go inside the house immediately.  This not only keeps them out of way of the vehicle, but creates a safe distance for them to get away should anyone have ill motives.

5. If a stranger grabs you, do everything you can to stop him or her from pulling you away or dragging you into his or her car. Drop to the ground, kick, hit, bite, and scream. Do whatever it takes to attract the attention of others who can help you. If someone is dragging you away, scream and yell "this is not my dad," or "this is not my mom." ('help,' 'no,' or 'stop' rarely get much attention)

6.  We do all we can to make them less appealing to a would be predator. We teach them that it is ok to say no, to respect others and expect respect for themselves, to have strength & courage even when it's hard & to always do the right thing.  We do not force them to show affection with anyone they don't want to at any time (even their parents & grandparents!).  We do all we can to help them build strong, solid relationships with safe adults & we communicate openly with them about everything.  We want anyone to be able to look at them and know that this is not a child who will stay quiet and this is a child who will fight back. 

There you have it :)  We have some very specific character qualities we would like to see from our children that requires talking to strangers.  We want them (and their able bodies :) to see a mom with little kids or an elderly woman at the grocery store and offer to put her groceries in the trunk for her; we want them to see someone struggling to reach something & step in with the height God gave them and help get it off the shelf; we want them to look for ways to show God's love to others and that requires stepping out of what is comfortable and making connections with people they do not know.  

However, a few guideline & rules help make it less likely that their safety is compromised.  There is no way to guarantee that our children will not be victimized or abducted, but the reality is, it's more likely to be by someone they know and trust than by a 'stranger' anyway.

Photo credit: mychildsafety.net

ABC Dates

I got an email from an old friend today and it not only made me smile, but took me back to some of the best memories of my life.  It simply said...

Did I ever tell you that {my husband} and my favorite thing to do is letter dates? I got that idea from you and honestly has been a great things for our relationship!So thanks!!!!

Back when my husband and I first started dating I was having a hard time with him paying for every date we went on (he's very chivalrous like that!).  In our discussion of it, he agreed to let me plan and pay for 1 date a month.  From there we came up with the idea of ABC dates.  We decided to each take one letter of the alphabet each month and plan a date incorporating as many things as we could with that letter.  Some letters were easy and some were not (a dictionary & google were our friends), but with each date came new experiences and new memories that would forever serve as part of the foundation of our relationship.

If you're looking for some direction in dating (or dating your spouse), I highly recommend ABC dating.  Make a book of photos & stories to share as well, not only is it an awesome experience with someone you love, but you never know who you are inspiring in the process!

Side note: the pages of photos & stories make great table markers/centerpieces for a wedding :)

Good Riddance Valentine's Day!

February 14th always brings the little 'holiday' we call Valentines Day and on February 15th, I can't help but feel a little sigh of relief.  In our marriage we have never celebrated Valentines Day.  It's not because we don't love each other & it's not because of hostility or lack of passion; it's that we resist the obligation & commercialism of the day.  

People that know us well will tell you that we are one of the most romantic couples ever, but we have never exchanged Valentines Day gifts.  My husband has never bought me chocolate on the 14th (my waist line thanks you honey!), he has never purchased flowers for Valentines (which are not romantic in my book anyway...thoughtful, yes but romantic, no) & we have never broken our budget for things neither of us really need (and whose idea was it to market stuffed animals to grown women anyway?).

Year after year, I hate being asked 'what did you get' and 'what are you going to do to celebrate?'  I get stuck in my answer, feeling like I am walking a fine line between being honest, painting an inaccurate picture of our marriage & making my husband look like an a-hole. Don't get me wrong, I love being in love & I love romance, but that has nothing to do with Valentines Day.  

Love & romance abound everyday of the year here and for that I am thankful.  I have no need for obligatory gifts or an overpriced crowded dinner out (although I would never pass up the opportunity to not have to cook or clean) but, now that our boys are quickly approaching 4, we have to figure out how to celebrate the holiday with and for them.  It's a slim chance that they'll date & marry a girl that doesn't want more on Valentines Day and we want to prepare them for that.  

We've got a few ideas running in our heads...maybe we'll split boys & girls in the house and each group can plan something unique & special for the other.  Or, maybe future Valentines Days will be filled with daddy/daughter & mother/son activities.  Or even better yet, maybe next year we'll do a family random acts of kindness day.  Anyone have other ideas to share?  Leave a comment...I like them :)

Photo Credit: Facebook

Welcome!

Welcome to my new blog Unfortunately Uncommon!  This is a place for me to voice all the crazy ideals, morals & values that are present in my heart, mind and family.  Many of them may be considered weird, old school or uncommon and that is fine by me.  I am one woman, standing beside her knight in shining armor, trying to raise 3 kids to have strength of conviction, courage & values that are all to often uncommon in today's culture.

"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children."

Charles (Chuck) Swindoll