One thing you will not hear us tell our kids is 'don't talk to strangers.' We encounter strangers every single day. We talk to many of them and most of them pose no threat to our children. One thing I never understood was how people tell their kids not to talk to strangers, but then expect them to respond back when the grocery store checker says 'hello' or to befriend the new kid in class. Instead, we do these things:
1. We teach our kids that if they are ever separated from us in a public place to find a mom with kids (anyone can have a badge & a badge does not necessarily mean they will help) and ask her to help you. Chances are other moms will stay with the child and assure the family is reunited.
2. Do not take anything from or go anywhere with another person without asking the adult you are with. If someone offers you candy, toys, money or any other items or asks you to go somewhere with them (adult or child), be sure to ask permission.
3. It is never appropriate for an adult to ask a child for help (especially an adult you don't know). If an adult asks you to help find their lost puppy, to find their child or anything else tell whoever you are with immediately.
4. Never approach a vehicle of someone you do not know. We even teach them that whenever a car pulls into our cul-de-sac to run to the very top of the driveway & do not approach the car. If they try to talk to you or get out & head toward you, go inside the house immediately. This not only keeps them out of way of the vehicle, but creates a safe distance for them to get away should anyone have ill motives.
5. If a stranger grabs you, do everything you can to stop him or her from pulling you away or dragging you into his or her car. Drop to the ground, kick, hit, bite, and scream. Do whatever it takes to attract the attention of others who can help you. If someone is dragging you away, scream and yell "this is not my dad," or "this is not my mom." ('help,' 'no,' or 'stop' rarely get much attention)
6. We do all we can to make them less appealing to a would be predator. We teach them that it is ok to say no, to respect others and expect respect for themselves, to have strength & courage even when it's hard & to always do the right thing. We do not force them to show affection with anyone they don't want to at any time (even their parents & grandparents!). We do all we can to help them build strong, solid relationships with safe adults & we communicate openly with them about everything. We want anyone to be able to look at them and know that this is not a child who will stay quiet and this is a child who will fight back.
There you have it :) We have some very specific character qualities we would like to see from our children that requires talking to strangers. We want them (and their able bodies :) to see a mom with little kids or an elderly woman at the grocery store and offer to put her groceries in the trunk for her; we want them to see someone struggling to reach something & step in with the height God gave them and help get it off the shelf; we want them to look for ways to show God's love to others and that requires stepping out of what is comfortable and making connections with people they do not know.
However, a few guideline & rules help make it less likely that their safety is compromised. There is no way to guarantee that our children will not be victimized or abducted, but the reality is, it's more likely to be by someone they know and trust than by a 'stranger' anyway.
Photo credit: mychildsafety.net
